Why writing is tough!

So here I am another blog, another line of stories to tell. Good or Bad. In different forms but it will still be about who I am, where I am, my adventures and misadventures, my deepest emotions about relationships, men and women, what they think and dont think. I wrote, I think two or three posts of what had happened that certain day but decided to delete it. I have no intention to hurt people who are involved. Believe me Im writing in good faith. Just to avoid any painful comments, I have decided to delete it.

Its very tough not to have the right to write what you feel or what had happened in certain events which you think is very special to you. Now I have to be careful of what to write because I might unknowingly hurt someone.

Now, I am hurt. I am deeply hurt but like what I have said in my previous post there's always a benefit in moving on. Another chapter to be closed and get over with and another chapter to open. Im not a newbie with relationships (and its failures), but whenever I encounter one, I always think of it as another lesson learned.

There's nothing wrong with me. I am a good person and a very responsible one. Im not lifting my own chair but if there's one person who knows who I really am, thats me..

Maybe now is not the right time for me to have one. God has better plans for me.

This afternoon my gayfriend Ronnie and I went out for a quick shopping. While having our late lunch we've discussed about why we feel alone and miserable here in Dubai. We feel like there's something missing. A lot of people think that we're lucky. ( yes we are, career wise) but what they dont realize is that there's emptiness and loneliness that goes with being a nomad. You may be out of the country exploring new cities and new cultures but most of the time you're alone., you're miles away from your family and friends. Ronnie asked me Jhenn, I think the only way to get rid of this anxiety attack is to be in a relationship, what do you think? I answered, will it make a difference? we're always out of the country? How can we nurture a relationship if we're always out? Its gonna be another problem. I think, the best way to get rid of that anxiety attack is to get used to with the situation and be happy with what you're doing, pre-occupy yourself. Hapiness starts within you.

Then I remebered a friends advice a couple of months ago, You should not depend your hapiness from other people, it starts within you. If you're happy alone and happy with yourself everything will go smoothly, believe me..

I dunno what happened to me, I was a self-centered person before I met --- . Then suddenly my priorities changed. Im not blaming him for anything. It was clear right from the start. I was weak when he came and everything that happened came to a surprise. Havent felt that butterflies in my stomach for quite sometime. I was drowned by his kindness and sweetness. It was all my fault I didnt handled it quite considerably thats why Im feeling this way now. There's no bitterness, whats left of it is understanding and maturity. Im dealing with it in a very matured way. Like what I've told him, I do respect relationships and Im wishing them the best of luck ( from the bottom of my heart and with deepest sincerity).

Me and him is now a close book but we will always be friends and co-workers. We work in the same company and might have the chance to fly with eachother again and I dont want to feel even a single bit of akwardness when we see eachother. He didnt do anything wrong, infact Im giving him credits for being honest and Im hoping that he will appreciate every single word that I have written in this page because Im not a bad person..

The end..

Writing this is very tough but I think I did a very good job this time.