Why writing is tough!

So here I am another blog, another line of stories to tell. Good or Bad. In different forms but it will still be about who I am, where I am, my adventures and misadventures, my deepest emotions about relationships, men and women, what they think and dont think. I wrote, I think two or three posts of what had happened that certain day but decided to delete it. I have no intention to hurt people who are involved. Believe me Im writing in good faith. Just to avoid any painful comments, I have decided to delete it.

Its very tough not to have the right to write what you feel or what had happened in certain events which you think is very special to you. Now I have to be careful of what to write because I might unknowingly hurt someone.

Now, I am hurt. I am deeply hurt but like what I have said in my previous post there's always a benefit in moving on. Another chapter to be closed and get over with and another chapter to open. Im not a newbie with relationships (and its failures), but whenever I encounter one, I always think of it as another lesson learned.

There's nothing wrong with me. I am a good person and a very responsible one. Im not lifting my own chair but if there's one person who knows who I really am, thats me..

Maybe now is not the right time for me to have one. God has better plans for me.

This afternoon my gayfriend Ronnie and I went out for a quick shopping. While having our late lunch we've discussed about why we feel alone and miserable here in Dubai. We feel like there's something missing. A lot of people think that we're lucky. ( yes we are, career wise) but what they dont realize is that there's emptiness and loneliness that goes with being a nomad. You may be out of the country exploring new cities and new cultures but most of the time you're alone., you're miles away from your family and friends. Ronnie asked me Jhenn, I think the only way to get rid of this anxiety attack is to be in a relationship, what do you think? I answered, will it make a difference? we're always out of the country? How can we nurture a relationship if we're always out? Its gonna be another problem. I think, the best way to get rid of that anxiety attack is to get used to with the situation and be happy with what you're doing, pre-occupy yourself. Hapiness starts within you.

Then I remebered a friends advice a couple of months ago, You should not depend your hapiness from other people, it starts within you. If you're happy alone and happy with yourself everything will go smoothly, believe me..

I dunno what happened to me, I was a self-centered person before I met --- . Then suddenly my priorities changed. Im not blaming him for anything. It was clear right from the start. I was weak when he came and everything that happened came to a surprise. Havent felt that butterflies in my stomach for quite sometime. I was drowned by his kindness and sweetness. It was all my fault I didnt handled it quite considerably thats why Im feeling this way now. There's no bitterness, whats left of it is understanding and maturity. Im dealing with it in a very matured way. Like what I've told him, I do respect relationships and Im wishing them the best of luck ( from the bottom of my heart and with deepest sincerity).

Me and him is now a close book but we will always be friends and co-workers. We work in the same company and might have the chance to fly with eachother again and I dont want to feel even a single bit of akwardness when we see eachother. He didnt do anything wrong, infact Im giving him credits for being honest and Im hoping that he will appreciate every single word that I have written in this page because Im not a bad person..

The end..

Writing this is very tough but I think I did a very good job this time.

The Drama Queen

My Recent picture....

The Nomad.. The Drama Queen.. Your Blogger

Loving DMB, Missin' my two bestfriend!

I've been singing these songs for the Nth time and still loving it.. Weng, Sep and I always sings these inside my car while driving... hehehe! We adore DMB..

All By: Dave Matthews Band

#41

Come and see

I swear by now I'm playing time

against my troubles

I'm coming slow but speeding

Do you wish for a dance and while I'm in the front

the play on time is won

but the difficulty is coming here

I will go in this way

And find my own way out

I wont tell you to stay

But I'm coming to much more

Me All at once the ghosts come back

Reeling in you now

What if they came down crushing

Remember when I used to play

for all of the loneliness that nobody notice now

I'm begging slow I'm coming here

Only waiting I wanted to stay

I wanted to play

I wanted to love you

I'm only this far

And only tomorrow leads my way

I'm coming waltzing back and moving into your head

Please, I wouldn't pass this by

I would take any more than

What sort of man goes by

I will bring water

Why wont you ever be glad

It melts into wonder

I came in praying for you

why wont you run in the rain and play

let the tears splash all over you

Warehouse

See I'm leaving

This warehouse frightens me

Has me tied up in knots

Can't rest for a moment

Soon I'm going I'm slipping slow away

Hoping to find something better

Than I've got inside of here

The warehouse slips away

Hey reckless mind

Don't throw away your playful beginnings

You and I will fumble around in the touches

And be sure to

Leave all the lights on

So we can see the black cat changing colors

And we can walk under ladders

And we can swim as the tide turns you around and around

Hey we have found

Becoming one in a million

Slip into the crowd

This question I found in a gap in the sidewalk

Keep all your sights on

Hey the black cat changing colors

And you can walk under ladders

And swim as the tide choose to turn you

And here I sit

Life goes on

End of tunnel, TV setSpot in the middleStatic fade, statistical bit

And soon I'll fade away, I'll fade away

This I admit tastes so good

Hard to believe an end to it

Smell touch feel

How could this rhythm ever quit

Bags packed on a plane

Hopefully to heaven

Shut up I'm thinking

I had a clue now it's gone forever

Sitting over these bones

You can read in whatever you're needing to

Keep all your sights on

Yeah man the black cat changing colors

When it's not the colors that matter

But that they'll all fade away

This I admit

Seems so good

Hard to believe an end to it

Warehouse is bare

Nothing at all inside of it

The walls and halls have disappeared

They disappear

My love I love to stay here

My love I love to stay here

In a corner I was wondering

If a change would be better than this

And then I worry

Maybe things won't be better than they have been

Here in the warehouse

At the warehouse

How I love to stay here

At the warehouse

Every man and woman

Get alive

That's our blood down there

Seems poured from the hands of angels

But trickle into the ground

Leaves the warehouse bare and empty

And my heart's numbered beat

Still echo in this empty room

And fear wells in me

But nothing seems good enough to defend

So I am going away, I'm going away...

Feelin good, Feelin Great

Just woke up and I feel good upon recieving that certain message. Brief but very direct. Its painful but thats what Ive been wanting to hear for me to stop wondering all the time. Thats it and thats the end.. I know there's a benefit with moving on.. Ill get over this.

I miss singing!

This picture was taken last December.
1. Singing at Basillica in Malate, Manila

2. Bistro 101 in Palanca Makat with Still Oz Band.

I started singing when I was 9 years old but I didnt joined any contest when I was young. My first band was K 24/7 with Shar. We planned of going to Japan for some gigs and auditioned. We got it but turned down the offer because it was too small. My 2nd band was with my friends had a couple of gigs but we have to disband because I have to leave for Emirates. Singing is something that I love doing. I can live without a TV but I cant live without music.

I bought a magic mic here in Dubai. During free time I sing at home.. hahaha! But I miss singing in a huge crowd. Something to keep my spirit high.

Worthless Entry, Photoblog

Im hopeless. Its 4am here in Dubai, Im lonely and widely awake. Ahhh im in stress.. Been loosing weight rapidly ( w/c is good!).

I am this skinny again!

My horoscope

- Call me crazy but I do read horoscopes.. hahaha! My astrological sign is Virgo!


**Wednesday ( March 21, 2007) ( Moon in Aries to Taurus 1:16am)

"You make a short trip, Whether its for business or pleasure, it involves foreign countries or individuals and proves beneficial for you"


My Comment- Hell yah! duh! Im a Cabin Crew ofcourse I travel a lot and its very beneficial for me.

**Thursday ( March 22, 2007)

"With the oon in sensual Taurus, you're in the mood for romancee. Someone who has piqued your interest takes an interest in you. Keep it lighthearted and fun, Virgo."

My Comment - Uhmm, We'll see if his gonna call..

Mi Familia

Xmas 2006 in Zurich with my Family.. (L-R) Aunt Baby, Cousin Cherylle, Cousin Michael, Uncle Stephan ( at the back) Me, and My Dad.

Everything is Set!

Its has been a stressful month for me. One day Im so happy and the following day Im broken hearted. Bleh! Nothing to look forward in Dubai except for my upcoming french lesson and dancing lesson. Yeah! Finally, Im back to school.. Hopefully I can finish everything on time. Been wanting to enroll in a culinary lesson right after. ( wanna make myself hella busy!)

Im looking forward to go back home. Atleast Ill be having 15days of rest. I dunno when will be my next vacation after this. I've got lots of things to accomplish in Dubai and I need to fly more.

Lets go back to my upcoming vacay. I asked Richard and Weng to look for a villa to rent for a couple of days in Laguna. I wanna spend some time with my friends. The original plans was to go to Boracay and spend holy week there but since most of my friends will be busy during holy week they cant join me. So, I told Weng that Laguna wil be perfect. Its not far from Manila and I wont buy most of my friends time, they can find a way to squeeze me in their busy sched.

Everything is set. The place, the food, the music and the list of who's coming. Im expecting 30 people to complete my Laguna private party. So excited!..

Im thinking of going to Vigan with Alma and Alfie. Hopefully everythings gonna be okay. I love Vigan.. Im in love with the place. Been there once and I wanna go back.

I dunno, I have this urge of wanting to be out of Manila.. Its too crowded for me and besides there's nothing to do there. My flat in Le triomphe is empty and I dont feel like staying there anymore. The electricity bill will kill me.. And thats a fact. I just wanna go far away as much as possible.

Im so excited! ( Im saying it again!).. i wanna be cuddled by my friends. I wanna cry... Cry and cry til my eyes gets dry.

Things that you may need to know about me.

1. I am Needy..
-Most men doesnt realize how much I will appreciate if he calls me for a date or a courtesy call.

2. I love a Man with a plan.
-I dont like it when a man is too dependent on me for a direction. Although I can give a lot of suggestions but I will be very happy if he leads the way. Surprise me.. Indulge me with food or serenade me with good music. All up to you.

3. I love Music and a Good Food..
- Most of my friends knows that Im a music oriented person, from 60's to house music, from reggae to pop, from jazz to alternative. I may not know how to play an instrument but I do appreciate it if you know how to play one or if not, atleast sing a few lines of your favorite song infront of me, worst case scenario if you still dont know how to, atleast try your best to sing infront of me.

- I definetely love foods. I have a big stomach and an appetite. I love to cook and will definetely enjoy a grocery date with a man who loves to eat as well. Someone who knows how to cook is a turn on as well.. cook for me, feed me..

4. I love my friends
- I spent most of my life with my friends around. What they say is very important to me. But the decision making will always be mine. They say who you're with defines you.. Im just glad that im surrounded with fabulous people who supports every decision that I make, that is why it is important for me, that the person Im gonna be with gets along with my friends pretty well. They are easy to get along with.. I promise you that.

5. I love my work.
- Im always out of the country and now I live in Dubai. My schedule is very tight. And I love what Im doing. If you dont believe in long distance relationship, well dont waste your time with me because I cannot give up my future for you. This is who I am and I think this is where I belong. Maybe I can quit my job if Im done with pursuing my dreams and when Im ready to enter a more serious relationship like marriage. Ofcourse, I would want to stay home for my husband and kids.

6. I love writing, I love books and travelling
- Writing is very important for me. this is the only time I feel very confident about expressing my deepest emotions. Im a bookie as well so, a good conversation about books or any book that will interest me is a bonus point. I welcome creative criticism.
- Travelling. This is the reason why I joined Emirates.. Being in a different country and experiencing different culture is something that I would really want to experience. But just as you know, A 2 1/2 hours drive to Tagaytay is romantic for me. Take me somewhere out of Manila is definetely a turn on.. But if you really wanted me to fall for you take me to Barcelona, Spain. For me it is the most romantic place in the world. It will be a fantasy cme true.

7. Im Independent
- Right after highschool I didnt ask for money from my parents. Everything I own, I have taken it out of my own pocket. I take care of my bills. I know how to live life and I definetely love to share my life with someone who is independent as well. Atleast we have a common ground. I dont like a guy who still ask money from their parets. C'mon! How can you have a good family ei? Its a no brainer.

8. Im Emotional
-Women cry more then men. Thats a fact. When Im sick or stressed. I want to talk and cuddle. When I feel hurt I shut off. The better way to make me feel better is to reassure me and comfort me.

9. Im a Mom
- I have six years old son. and his name is Alfie. His dad lives in Ohio and we are separated. We arent married fyi. Alfie will be petitioned by his father this April and the only time that I will be able to see him is when I have a flight to JFK or Im on leave from work. I love Alfie more than anything else. I dont regret having him . He's the greatest gift that God has given me.

A Womans greatest Challenge

Women also have a challenge with their male partners. Just as women move up and down as a result of intimacy, men move back and forth. When a man experiences increasing intimacy, he begins to switch back and forth between wanting to get closer and wanting to pull away..

"when a man experiences increasing intimacy, peroidically he needs to pull away before he can get closer"..

F*ck what Am i trying to say here? Am I beginning to read Men's minds? Even if I knew all the details of why they want to pull away why is it very hard for me to apprehend them? Most of the time Im being drowned by what I feel and neglect all the facts that I shouldnt do this and that because it will just lead him to be more aloof at me.. Argh! It really hard most specially when you're "somewhat" in the "consideration stage"of the relationship...

Ahh whatever! Here I am again, writing obssesively about my life and unknowingly sabotaging the growth of his love and attraction towards me because of my stupid actions..

This is infact my greatest challenge, and yet again I dunno how to handle it... When will I ever learn?... That I cannot answer..

Im gonna hit the sack now, its already 430am Dubai time and 1:30am Paris time.. Needed to take some rest for my flight back to Dubai tonight..

The least thing I can do now is to give myself a good rest and leave some hope that soon ill be meeting my prince charming and will save me from this misery..

Miguel Alfonso in EK

He's cute and adoreable. Im so lucky to have him. Im glad that ill be coming home by the end of the month to see him again.

Jhenn and Carmi's hybernating place

This is what a frustrated Interior Decorator can do! Spend some dirhams in Ikea and decorate her flat.. It turned out to be nice though.. Thanks to Carmi..

When the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence

Im free.. Im finally free from resentment and the stage of hurting. I've gained the ability to self-correct and move on
Without an open heart, it is much difficult to find the right person. Now, Im proud to say that Im opening my heart to be able to be attracted to and even fall in love with the right person or atleast make a progress in finding someone closer to the right person.

Still in the stage of uncertainty but who cares? For me, uncertainty is the time to reflect on what I want on my next relationship and to avoid repeating patterns..

Welcome to my World

Welcome to my new blog...

Time for a new empty luggage that I can fill in along the way..